Tuesday 29 January 2008

He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad, you know I'm gonna be like you"

An American father has been sentenced to 4 years in prison for using a stun gun on his 18 month old toddler!

The child's father, Ryan Whitman, used the weapon on his son in order to "toughen him up". Apparently he harbours visions of his son becoming the greatest cage fighter the world has ever known. A sodding cage fighter? How anybody can look at a toddler and see anything other than a wholesome, happy innocence is beyond me.

I have no children but I have seen how every new parent is convinced their offspring is cuter, more intelligent and more advanced than every other new born in the maternity ward. The fact that newborns do little other than sleep, poop, cry and feed doesn't seem to matter. They see in their child the untapped potential to become an unstoppable, world changing force of nature.

They have the noblest of intentions - they will be a glamour-model-roasting premiership footballer, a rock star, a Formula 1 driver, a human rights lawyer, a nobel or pullitzer prize winner, a world leader or a UN Ambassador. I really can't fathom how this guy looked at his son and thought "You're destined for greatness my son. Yes you are. You will knock seven shades of shite out of other people in front of numb-skull hicks for money".

The real concern here is the risk that after 4 years the guy will have served his sentence. Rehabilitated in the eyes of the law and still the boy's biological father, he may, unless social services step in, be free to resume his role in shaping his son's personality and his future.

Personally, I hope the child grows up to be the most effeminate man the world has ever known. That he becomes a standard bearer for the worldwide homosexual community. I hope he is camper then a great big line of pink fluffy tents - so camp he makes Julian Clary feel positively masculine.

Why?

I'd imagine that, being such a neanderthal, it is the worst outcome his father could possibly imagine.

3 comments:

sheepworrier said...

Maybe it was self-defence, maybe the little b*stard is a double-hard chuck norris baby that was goin for its daddys throat with a broken bottle?
Sneaky little f*ckers, babies...

Thriftcriminal said...

I hope the dad gets the full round of human booster shots while he is in stir.

Medbh said...

That's not as bad as the American woman who put the baby in the microwave and claimed she was too drunk to know what she was doing.