Friday 19 December 2008

The Friday Album Cover #27

Apologies for the lack of an album cover last week.

A hearty mix of an alcohol and boogying on Thursday night, coupled with the room spinning more than is normal for a Friday morning, meant there wasn't much movement inside the embassy this time last week.

Last one before 2009.

Happy Christmas & a similar new year.

Thanks for reading - all 4 of you..

I can assure you, I've enjoyed reading your blogs more than you've enjoyed reading mine.

Thursday 18 December 2008

Joe le Taxi

I took a taxi into town to meet some friends for a few drinks last Thursday.

(is it just me or does anybody else suffer from an overwhelming urge to snootily declare "Home James, and don't spare the horses" when entering a taxi?).

The driver seemed like a genial enough fellow. In his mid to late 50's, he had the accent and the slow, relaxed manner of a man with a strong rural background. The type of man who has his dinner in the middle of the day, pronounces the letter 'u' in the word film and whose car runs on a special breed of domesticated reptiles (pet-turtle).

On passing through a junction where a ruddy cheeked, fresh faced Templemore graduate stood on Operation Freeflow duty, more concerned with claping his hands and stamping his feet to stay warm than actually ensuring the traffic flowed smoothly, I innocently asked a question that resulted in 15 of the strangest minutes of my life.

"Do you think the guards make the traffic any better?"

"Ah they do yeah.... though a lot of the time its worse"


"What do you think of Operation Freeflow yourself?"

"Well, I drive a motorbike during the day so I don't really notice"

For some reason, he took this as an invitation to chatter inanely about vintage cars. Except he didn't call them vintage cars - he called them veteranage cars. The first time I simply assumed I had mishead him but soon I was in no doubt. He was definitely saying veteranage.

For the next 15 minutes he crammed the word into the conversation more times than one would think possible. Certainly more than was strictly necessary. It was quite clear that we (or rather he) was talking about vintage cars - yet he still felt the need to qualify, just in case there was any doubt, that he was referring specifically to vintage cars. Or veteranage cars if you will.

He told me how he was a big fan of veteranage cars, how his family and friends were all veteranage car enthusiasts and how he loved spending his Sunday afternoons on veteranage car runs.

To underline his love of veteranage cars, he proudly informed me he is a member of the Irish Veteranage Motoring Association.

"You know", I thought "I think you'll find it's the Irish Vintage Motoring Association. I know that AND I'M NOT EVEN A MEMBER".

Finally, he told me about some American veteranage car dealers who, through the Irish Veteranage Motoring Association, were put in touch with a veteranage car loving friend of his. His friend, he assured me has an extensive collection of veteranage cars which he keeps in what, according to his description, resembles a small aeroplane hanger.

Well, when the veteranage car dealers saw his veteranage car loving friend's collection of veteranage cars they were so impressed they offered €10 million to buy them on the spot.

"€10 million" I said, trying to sound sufficiently impressed, "they must be pristine.

"No", he replied "they're his".

Wednesday 17 December 2008

Mr cab driver don't like my kind of skin


Supermarket refuses Adolf Hitler cake request

The father of three-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell called for more tolerance after a New Jersey supermarket refused to produce a birthday cake with the child’s full name written on it.

Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the ShopRite store, but also with angry internet postings in response to a newspaper article about the cake.

Heath Campbell, 35, said people should look forward, not back, and accept change.

“They need to accept a name. A name’s a name. The kid isn’t going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did,” he said.

After ShopRite refused the request for the cake as inappropriate, the Campbells got a cake decorated at a Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania, Mrs Campbell said.

About 12 people attended the birthday party on Sunday, according to Mr Campbell.

Mr Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.”

He said his ancestors were German and that he had lived all his life in Hunterdon County, New Jersey.

The Campbells’ other two children also have unusual names: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell turns two in a few months and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell will be one in April.
Mr Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.”

It amazes me that there are still people like this in the world.

It astounds me that such people are allowed to breath (No typo here my friend - although stopping them breeding would be a good start).

It befuddles me that (presumably) a desk jockey for the state processed a birth cert bearing the proposed name for the child.

Hurrah for ShopRite though!

Monday 15 December 2008

Red and yellow and....

"Something pink"....

... is what the CPF's nephew said when asked what he wanted for Christmas.

Despite additional interrogation by his parents, no further details were forthcoming.

Best of luck with that one then!

Thursday 11 December 2008

Eat a Renault Four with salami in your ears

I think I may have an ear infection.

Well, either that or at some point since yesterday afternoon my left earphone has grown considerably (or my left ear hole has shrunk considerably).

(Bonus points for identifying the song the title lyric came from)

Thursday 4 December 2008

The Friday Album Cover #26

Pop quiz, hotshot!

The Friday Album Cover #25

Before getting to the actual business of this weeks effort, I'd like to draw your attention to the following (taken from Friday Album Cover #5)

It should be noted that we here at Ambassador Towers don't personally endorse or recommend any of the albums featured in the Friday Album Cover series. Although we may own some of them, that does not necessarily mean we like them, think they are any good or even know anything about the artists who recorded them.

I get the impression correctly guessing this week's album cover will serve as a good example of how one can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Question is: does anybody want the glory that much?

Wednesday 3 December 2008

There's a splinter in your eye and it reads REACT.

Chatting to a friend on MSN Messenger earlier.

TBA: I went over to PC World at lunchtime

J: Anything interesting?

TBA: No - you really have to watch what you say over there though.

J: Why?

J: Ha ha ha.

J: Never mind.

Funniest. Reaction. Ever. (for that particular gag)

Ice, Ice, Baby

Like an extra from Band of Brothers: I can't feel my legs.

Today, my ire will be reserved for the following.

  • Fog lights - It is not foggy you retarded cretins. Turn them off. Just a quick question of etiquette: If you were driving a car would it be wrong to shine one of those 2 million candle torches out your back window as a gently reminder to the numbskull behind that the weather conditions do not warrant the use of the "funky lights that make my car look cool".
  • People who, when making a right turn controlled by a filter light, refuse to move into the junction so they might avail of breaks in on-coming traffic. A filter light is used for a reason - if they wanted traffic to wait for the green light before making the turn, they would have put a second red light there. Quit holding everybody else up.
  • People who don't flick their indicators on until they are actually mid way through their desired manoeuvre. At that point, the biggest indication you are making a turn is the direction your car is facing - rendering the little orange Christmas lights Audi so thoughtfully put on your car redundant. And while I'm at it, when you do actually bother to use them, it is merely an indication of your intended actions. It does not confer an automatic right to barge into the space I am currently occupying. I have enough to worry about - what with the ice, the two wheels and my delicate skeletal structure.


Tuesday 2 December 2008

Money, Money, Money

Was chatting to a colleague on MSN when I noticed the small advert in the lower left hand corner. (Click to enlarge)

If I was looking to sell a car I'd be hoping to sell if for a lot more than just €30

Monday 1 December 2008

The Friday Album Cover #25

... will appear on Thursday.