Tuesday 6 November 2007

Self Loathing

The past few days have been pretty miserable. My asthma seems to be staging a heroic comeback after several years in the wilderness, I have a head cold I have been unable to shift and I can't walk 5 steps without expelling a bone-trembling, body shaking sneeze which rattles the wind chimes above the kitchen window (and probably those in some neighbouring houses too).

Of course, being an Irish male, this didn't stop me going to play indoor football last night. For 60 minutes, I ran and ran and ran and then, when I thought I couldn't run another step, I ran a bit more. It was a thoroughly enjoyable hour - but one which added a nice throaty cough and a wheeze, reminiscent of the ancient bank official at the end of Mary Poppins, to my list of ailments. All of this resulted in myself and the close personal friend (who is also suffering with a head cold) sitting up in bed at ten o'clock, surrounded by discarded tissues, reading and sipping lemsip. I imagine it must have been quite the sorry sight.

Given the blocked nose, wheezing, coughing and sneezing it was fairly obvious that a good night's sleep was not on the agenda. Throw a couple of nightmares into the mix and the result is a rather grumpy ambassador this morning.

I can't remember the exact dream but it was of the "being chased by somebody nasty" variety. You know the kind, somebody is chasing you. You are runnning like crazy, desperately looking for a place to hide (lets face it you've just played indoor football for an hour when you could hardly breath as it was, you can't run much longer - its your only hope). You turn a corner and spy a rickety old shed. You burst in, crouching down deep in the shadows all the while looking at the door thinking "as long as that doesn't blow open I'll be ok". And what happens just as your pursuer walks by? The door blows open and he/she/it steps inside. "But its ok", you think, "I'm here in the dark shadowy corner as long he can't see me it will be fine". Just then an overhead lightbulb, which wasn't bloody there when you first stepped into the shed, blinks on illuminating your position. So you are off running again - only the same pattern repeats over and over again.

  • You find temporary refuge.
  • You think as long X doesn't happen I'm home free.
  • X happens.

I'm not big on dream interpretation but I do know that dreams are driven by your subconscious so I can only come to the conclusion that my subconscious hates me. Why else would it torment me in this manner? Why can't it let me just hide, let my would be attacker call off the search and then let me go about my business in peace? Instead it teases me, gives a false sense of security and then rips it out from under me. I think its trying to kill me - trying to scare me to death by the looks of things. And the worst thing is we are most likely going to be stuck together for another 40 to 50 years (unless his plan works of course).

Anybody else ever have similar dreams?


Craig said...

According to meaning-of-dreams.net you don't hate yourself, your just a bit funny in the head. But then we knew that already :-)

> snip
A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. Such dreams are more common among women than men, who may feel physically vulnerable in the urban environment.

Perhaps given your Boo! post you are the one easily frightened...

The Bad Ambassador said...

Maybe so, but once the subconscious has rustled up the chase dream, presumably to warn me that I have a fear of being attacked, and I have addressed that by finding a hiding place why can't it just piss off and leave it at that?

Unless my subconscious is in fact my mother, who finds it necessary to repeat herself despite me having provided the requisite "yes you're right... I know what you mean... absolutely" response. Hope this isn't the case because I don't have enough money to pay for the therapy that would be required. In fact, there many not be enough money in the world for this.

Craig said...

Good point but I can't believe you brought your mother into this!

Like I said, your a bit funny in the head. I stand by that assertion, stop being so like Mary Harney and accept some of the blame ;-)

Ian Poulton said...


Be reassured, I read that dreams only last for thirty seconds, so if you can keep your pursuer talking for the remaining few seconds, you should be OK.

Of course, the dreams of those who survive might only be thirty seconds, maybe if your dreams last longer, you do actually end up dead.

But then, if you're dead, you don't have to worry about the cold.