Wednesday 28 November 2007

Anyone for water-darts?

The brains versus brawn debate has raged for many years and there appears to be no outright victor. Happily, there is one fraternity where a keen intellect and sampson-like strength are valued in equal measure - the world of chess* boxing.

* The form of chess played is "speed chess" in which each competitor has a total of twelve minutes for the whole game.

A chess-boxing contest, for the curious among you, features 11 alternating rounds of chess and boxing. Chess rounds are 4 minutes in length while boxing rounds last 2 minutes. There is a 1 minute interval between each round during which contestants change their gear (it being quite difficult to move the ickle chess pieces while wearing oafish boxing gloves). A contest is won by knockout, checkmate or, in the event of the contest going all 11 rounds with no winner, a judges decision.

I would give anything to hear the advice given to a chess boxer's by his trainers in that minute between rounds. I can only imagine it would be something along the lines of 'Keep your hands up, get in, jab, jab, get out. Watch out for his uppercut.... and his knight". Presumably in later rounds, as the contestant becomes a little punch-drunk, he will start looking for a knight in full armour (and possibly chain mail) in his opponents corner.

I strongly believe other sports should be combined in a bid to make them more interesting.

Middle distance running and rugby
Each competitor is allowed to make one rugby tackle on any opponent during the race. The element of surprise is key here - both athletes will end up on the deck but the tackler should have the advantage of being able to get up first. Imagine Paula Radcliffe's face as Catherine Ndereba hauls her uncermoniously to the ground - imagine Ndereba's face when she realises Radcliffe is suffering bowel problems again.

Snooker and Bull Fighting
The snooker table is placed within a fenced off area with an enraged bull. The compeititors, wearing red trousers and waistcoats made from some type of grain product must enter the bull pen to make their shot - while avoiding the bull's lunges. Break building could be quite dangerous here.

White-Water Rafting and Fencing
Inflatable boats and pointy swords. Points are earned by successfully scoring a hit on your opponent... or deflating their boat. Bonus points are earned if your opponent drowns or is seriously injured on jagged rocks.

Hurling and Judo
... well this would still be hurling wouldn't it?

Murder Ball
Not really a combination of any sports - its soccer with just 3 rules. Most goals wins. Only the keeper can handle the ball. If the ball goes behind the goal its a goal kick. (We used to play this one when I was younger)


sheepworrier said...

I cant remember the name of the game I played as a nipper in primary school (maybe british bulldog?) but it should be a professional sport.
Basically run at a group of people standing in a line and try and get to the other side without being killed to death.
Not that different from rugby I suppose...

The Bad Ambassador said...

British Bulldog was the one alright.

It took 6 deaths, 15 broken arms and 1 decapitation before they stopped us playing that in school.