Thursday 21 February 2008

Like a Puppet on a String

I am beginning to formulate a complex theory which combines the fields of science and sociology. The "Sandie Shaw Theory" can be outlined using the following example...

Each morning on the way to work I pass the same people, in exactly the same places.

  • Just before exiting the drive a man who lives up the road drives past in his green Nissan primara.
  • After I pull out of the estate, the small strawberry blonde woman, in navy jogging bottoms and a bright red rain jacket jogs past, heading up the hill.
  • As I pass by the local Spar, a guy on a yellow Triumph Daytona 600 nods at me as he passes in the opposite direction. I nod back.
  • A red open top tour bus driven by a balding bespectacled, heading along the N7 in the direction of Dublin, goes by as I am coming down the slip road.
  • Later, when stopped at some traffic lights, an old nissan starlet with what seems like 6 exhausts and the wingspan of a 747 passes through the junction from the right hand side.

This morning, for reasons best left unexplained, I was running at least 15 minutes late.... and so, it seemed, was everybody else. I met all the same people, in all the same places. All going about their daily routine - except 15 minutes later than normal.

This has led me to the (perfectly logical) conclusion that the lives of the world's population are divided into small sub groups of randomly connected people who live their lives in what I believe to be "approximate parallelity". Almost as if linked by invisible threads (hence the Sandie Shaw Theory). If one person is late then all other people on the same thread will be late. Perhaps if one is sick, all the others experience the sensation of being somewhat under the weather to varying degrees.

So, the next time you are on the receiving end of an ear-bashing for arriving somewhere after the agreed/expected time, remember that it may not be your fault. Your being behind schedule may have been pre-destined and nothing you could have done would have changed it.

So blame the other people on your thread. You know it makes sense.

3 comments:

sheepworrier said...

Sometimes you scare me a little bit, BA.

The Bad Ambassador said...

How so my sheep worrying friend?

Seems like a perfectly reasonable theory to me.

red said...

Your theory is flawless. I can confirm: on Tuesday I was running late and I was certain I'd missed my bus but when I arrived at my stop all of the usual passengers were waiting so I mistakenly thought I hadn't missed it. A bit of eavesdropping revealed that in fact we had all missed the bus because we were all running late...