Wednesday 20 August 2008

Cuts like a knife...

I am not a blood donor. Its not because I have no social conscience or have an irrational fear of needles or even that the BTSB consider me an unsuitable donor because I answered one of their questions incorrectly. (Have you ever paid for sex? Does 12 bacardi breezers count?). It's just that I am too bad at shaving and don't feel I can spare the haemoglobin.

I have extremely sensitive skin. You will hurt its feelings if you question its parentage- and it cuts easily. My morning shaving ritual should really see a Gillette Mach 3 razor in one hand and a sword in the other - to defend myself.

The first wet razor I ever had was a Gillette Sensor , given to me by Black Tie when I collected a suit for my debs. "Wow!" I thought - for I had seen the adverts and I knew that a Gillette Sensor was the razor to have at the time.

It made perfect sense - two blades would be better than one. It would work just like the TV adverts promised. The graphics clearly showed that single blade razors failed to remove all the stubble - they left bits behind. But a Gillette Sensor? Well clearly that was different. The first blade would cut the hair then, the second blade would come along, right behind it, to handle anything that remained. Between them, both blades would remove every last nanometer of every last follicle, providing a perfectly smooth shave that would make attractive women want to stroke my face. However did men get by with just the one blade before this?

Then along came the Gillette Mach 3. With 3 blades. And Gillette produced an advert to promote it. An advert which told us that the Gillette Sensor hadn't really provided as close a shave as we originally thought. Apparently it too, left small bits of hair behind. Bits of hair that required a third (and apparently more expensive) blade to take care of. "Honest" they said (somehow keeping a straight face).

Being neither naive or susceptible enough to believe the hype, I didn't buy one. In fact, I refused to buy one based on a belief that every unit sold brought us one step closer to a razor with a 4th blade. So beginning a never ending cycle - until men the world over were shaving with something resembling a window blind.

It was only when my Gillette Sensor was literally falling apart and some batty old aunt presented me with a Gillette shaving kit for Christmas (my third that day) that I began using the Mach 3.

Then Gillette produced the Fusion razor - with 5 bloody blades on the front. AND A 6th ON THE BACK! "No" I said, "You will not catch me buying one of those yokes". But that was before I forgot to pack my razor when heading off to Mammy and Daddy Ambassador's country residence last week. It was also before the local supermarket was selling them at a lower price than all other non-disposable razors. (Me using a disposable razor would be akin to suicide).

Its not bad as razors go. It performs about the same as the Mach 3 - but I won't be using it ever again. You see it comes with a battery in the handle and a button. Pressing the button causes the razor to vibrate. And when you have skin which cuts as easily as mine - well something that makes the your hand shake is the last thing you need.


Caro said...

The Italian has very sensitive skin too - he got a medical dispensation during his military service which allowed him to shave every second day instead of every day.

Now he uses it as an excuse for going around like a beardy scruff.

Anonymous said...

Grow a beard - you'll never having any bleeding worries that way!

red said...

Surely six blades is as many as they can squeeze on one razor though? That must be the end of the ad-a-blade craze.

The Bad Ambassador said...

conortje/caro: Unfortunately the bearded route isn't really an option as any facial hair I grow is destined to be ginger. Although Fat Mammy Cat is doing her best to recondition our thinking, I must abide by a personal rule that one should never have more ginger hair on display than is absolutely necessary.

In other news: I have found this product to be, if not a life saver, then certainly an irritation saver.