Ban Gardaí

When I was a nipper, I thought Ban Gardaí was an Irish anarchist movement. In actual fact it was once the official term for female gardaí. It has since, thanks to this era of political correctness and sexual equality, gone the same way as terms like chairman and spokesman.

Back in the good old days, an attractive ban garda was as much a feature of Irish life as young, attractive nuns - you never saw either. Sure you saw young, attractive nuns in movies (Sound of Music and Nuns on the Run - but not Sister Act) and on TV (The Father Dowling mysteries) but never in real life.

Women who applied to join the gardaí were freckly, curly haired, thick-ankled country girls with names like Gráinne and Bridgit. Women who looked like they grew up on farms and when asked to move the cattle into the top field they did so two-at-a-time with one startled fresian over each shoulder. You got the impression that if exfoliation was part of their beauty regime a pebble-dashed wall was somehow involved.

Lately I have noticed female Gardaí these days are cuter and sexier. They have more normal hair in chic, cosmopolitan styles and the uniform seems to suit them a bit better too. It has, I'm sure, lead to many fantasies involving handcuffs and the word naughty being said repeatedly. Maybe they are all ex-strippograms who liked the uniform so much they decided they wanted to wear it every day until retirement.

Still no foxy nuns though.