A bad start to the day...

You would love Granny Ambassador - she is a tiny, old woman with 2 false hips and arthritis spreading slowly through her 86 year old frame. With her sweet smile, head scarfs and 'gran coats' she is 'Granny' from the Sylvester and Tweety cartoons personified. To an outsider she looks like the type of granny who would conspiratorially pull you close and make a big show of discretely slipping 20c into your hand before telling you to "go and buy yourself something nice" - so naturally it comes as a shock to most people when she chooses to reveal her wicked sense of humour and filthy mind.

I paid Granny Ambassador a visit yesterday evening, bringing with me a delicious, almond-topped Foxford Lunch thingey to go with the cups of tea she would inevitably force upon me. Over the course of our conversation she asked me if I knew what had happened to Louis Walsh. Gleefully picturing a crowbar-wielding maniac knocking lumps out of the pop svengali I asked her to elaborate but alas she had only heard on the news that he had been injured and would be out until Christmas. "Well it's a start" I thought. Granny agreed.

(Granny is a self confessed X Factor addict. We suspect that, rather admirably, she watches it solely to see people cry hysterically as elimination crushes their dreams.)

So this morning, as I was enduring a frustrating game of Jenga with a wash basket which is so out of control I may have to fashion some kind of flying buttress to support it (well its either that or do some laundry), the phone rang. It was Granny Ambassador...

GA: Remember we were talking about Louis Walsh yesterday?
Me: Yes?
GA: Well I heard what was wrong with him on the news just now?
Me: Oh... ?
GA: Apparently he fell off his horse and the horse landed on him... He damaged his shoulder.
Me: Granny, are you sure that wasn't Ruby Walsh?
GA: Oh... I thought they were pronouncing Louis a bit funny alright.

Bugger!