Last night I had the strangest dream....

For reasons I can't go into, although I assure you our intentions were honourable, T-man and I needed to break into Tallaght hospital to apply some modification's to one of their computer systems. For certain reasons, this had to be done without the knowledge of any staff at the hospital.

Believing that Michael Collin's approach (i.e. if you don't look like you're hiding, nobody will look for you) was best, we went in under cover of broad daylight, shunning traditional sneaking attire such as black polo necks and..... well, sneakers.

Despite my family background and upbringing in a not-so-leafy Dublin suburb, it was T-man who proved most likely to prosper as a criminal mastermind. Light fingered, master of the con and full of charm - he succeeded in gaining access through points requiring a security swipe card using nothing more than... a large onion.

Unfortunately he may have been a touch over confident for, at one stage, having onion swiped his way through a door clearly marked "Staff Only" he encountered a pretty nurse who quickly called security.

With the mission compromised, I began plotting how to liberate my accomplice but woke up before a plan could be formulated.

Naturally enough, this was immediately followed by a prolonged "What the fuck?" period.

Any ideas?